I thought it would be a good thing to try as right now learning ways to relax would be beneficial to me. Waiting on a life saving operation for over 19months isnt easy.
Tonight i went along to a class with my best friend. It was how i imagined a yoga/meditation setting to be. A sofa area with tea and coffee and positive messages on the wall. shabby chic decorations along with pot plants. We went through to the other room that had heaters placed around,mood lighting and soothing music. We collected our mats, blankets and pillows and got ready. I knew i wouldnt have been able to take deep breathes in like the woman would tell everyone to do but i planned on doing as slow and controlled breathes that the 13% of my working lungs would allow me.
The woman turned off the music and began to tell us to sit comfortably and close our eyes. We began to breathe in and out and become aware of all of our body. Then the woman got us to think positive things about ourselves. She would say things such as "i am a valuable person, people make mistakes, i am strong, picture great memories in your mind" she spoke calmly and softly. There was Something she said that during it i could feel a strong over whelming emotion to which i began to cry with my eyes closed. I always believe it is very important to acknowledge emotions and to deal with them whether they are positive or negative. Some of the things she said is already a way of my thinking even previous to going to the session. At the end of the meditation she did say if during the session you feel yourself becoming upset that is ok. Whatever emotion you feel during meditation go with it and acknowledge it. She must have seen me whilst doing the class.
On my drive home i began to think. (one of my fav places to think) . What did i hope to get from attending this new class? I thought if i learn to be a more relaxed person i could be a better person. I realised i am always striving to be a BETTER person. I am not the BEST person far from it however i do want to treat others as i wish to be treated and if i am calm, understanding and a reflective person then surely i can strive to become better.
If i am to leave the earth tomorrow i would ask have i treated those around and close to me the way they deserve? Even if you or i feel someone may deserve to have negativity thrown at them does that in all honesty make you feel better... no it makes the negativity continue and manifest and breed.
I try to spread my time as evenly as possible with the people in my life. they all deserve a piece of lisa time ;) I may not squeeze them all in my busy, tiring life style as easily as i would like but i do try. I am very ill but the way i push myself to give people my time is crazy. My health team often say "Lisa we dont know how you do it!" When i say give them my time i dont mean that in a....full of myself kind of way. I mean....if I die those are the people who will keep memories of me with them forever and those memories wont get created by themselves. So with every ounce of energy i have i make them happen. If memories of us together gives them comfort when i am gone then that is what i have to offer. Plus they are making my days worth living and giving me fulfilment in life which they might not fully know how much it means to me. If i didnt have those people i wouldnt have a life worth living.
Also whilst on the subject of energy, people have often said "Lisa you get about, your never in ,i wish i got up to what you do,you have some social life!" I only have that social life and go so many places that is physically possible because i make them happen. Those trips to london, meeting celebs in night clubs, lunch with friends or trips to the bingo only happen because i plan them. I fill my precious time with the people i love. People who make me laugh and help pass the time whilst i wait on these lungs. If you want those things then YOU can make them happen. Whilst watching tv or chilling in the bath, make a list.
So back on track...whilst driving the song "Something i need-Ben Haenow" came on. Which has these lyrics and i will explain how i can relate.
I had a dream the other night
About how we only get one life
Woke me up right after two
Stayed awake and stared at you
So I wouldn't lose my mind
And I had the week that came from hell----my friends and family are the ones who really see me struggle
And yes I know that you could tell
But you're like the net under the ledge -----they are my net,my protection keeping me sane.
When I go flying off the edge
You go flying off as well --- but when i crack and have a bad day they struggle to keep it together too
And if we're only here once I wanna live with
You got something I need -------There is someone or a family out there who i am waiting on making that decision of allowing me to have another chance at life by donating their lungs.
In this world full of people there's one loving me ---with a shortage of people donating it is just ONE i am waiting on making that decision.
And if we only live once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you, you) ---- i want to live with their lungs and i will cherish and look after them
You've got something I need
In this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you)
Last night I think I drank too much
Call it a temporary crutch
With broken words I've tried to say
Honey don't you be afraid ---dont be afraid of the wait or of the risk of the operation
If we've got nothing we got us (Yeah)
And if we're only here once I wanna live with
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you, you)
You've got something I need
In this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you, you)
I know that we're not the same
But I'm so damn glad that we made it
To this time, this time, around, yeah
You've got something I need
Yeah in this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once I wanna live with you (heeyy)
You've got something I need
In this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you, you)
You've got something I need
In this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you, you)
If we're only here once (hey) I wanna live with
If we're only here once I wanna live with you
About how we only get one life
Woke me up right after two
Stayed awake and stared at you
So I wouldn't lose my mind
And I had the week that came from hell----my friends and family are the ones who really see me struggle
And yes I know that you could tell
But you're like the net under the ledge -----they are my net,my protection keeping me sane.
When I go flying off the edge
You go flying off as well --- but when i crack and have a bad day they struggle to keep it together too
And if we're only here once I wanna live with
You got something I need -------There is someone or a family out there who i am waiting on making that decision of allowing me to have another chance at life by donating their lungs.
In this world full of people there's one loving me ---with a shortage of people donating it is just ONE i am waiting on making that decision.
And if we only live once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you, you) ---- i want to live with their lungs and i will cherish and look after them
You've got something I need
In this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you)
Last night I think I drank too much
Call it a temporary crutch
With broken words I've tried to say
Honey don't you be afraid ---dont be afraid of the wait or of the risk of the operation
If we've got nothing we got us (Yeah)
And if we're only here once I wanna live with
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you, you)
You've got something I need
In this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you, you)
I know that we're not the same
But I'm so damn glad that we made it
To this time, this time, around, yeah
You've got something I need
Yeah in this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once I wanna live with you (heeyy)
You've got something I need
In this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you, you)
You've got something I need
In this world full of people there's one loving me
And if we're only here once, (hey)
I wanna live with you (you, you, you)
If we're only here once (hey) I wanna live with
If we're only here once I wanna live with you
I enjoyed my new experience tonight and trying something new. Trying new things and enjoying them has only come with age and maturity for me. To be comfortable enough to try new things and to find enjoyment is a gift in life. I will be back to the meditation classes in the future. Namaste ;)
