At a stand still.

This isnt attention seeking this is solely just me airing my thoughts.

My good friend Anders has just received his double lung transplant which means i am one step closer in meeting him. I am not allowed (not supposed to) to meet others with Cystic fibrosis or people who have had transplant until i have had mine as my lungs hold bad bugs that can be harmful to them. So all thats left now is for me to receive my lungs so i can mix with my friends that i chat with over the internet.

However lately i have been feeling a bit pissed off and frustrated at this waiting on lungs Never thought i would say that but i cannot plan my life, i cannot do things i want to do or achieve things i want. I feel stuck. People out there have their whole life ahead of them. I am never envious of others however i am sometimes disheartened at my own situation. They can go holidays, have children, can apply for courses colleges or even universities ...whatever they please as the world is their oyster. For me i cannot and its started to feel like a monkey on my back.

Yes i claim benefits, get a car and a flat but thats not what i want..... i am trapped nothing else just burdened with the fact thats all i have material things. Thats not what i long for.... i desire memories, love, future, to travel the world, gain experiences, reach goals and achievements!! Material things are nothing. They are just there during my existence, they are not there to complete my being.

I want to work. I want to have a job where i am helping others and not only get paid but gain satisfaction. To know i have earned my bank balance. To say well i can do this for X amount of months then I will move onto that. To work towards something is an INCREDIBLE opportunity whatever shape or form it may be. I want that option.

Whilst i am Facebook mainly i see peoples achievements whether it be loosing weight, to stop smoking, starting college, raising their children and teaching them new life skills, doing walks/runs for charity. I feel overly proud for them for 2 reasons.....1) that they have been granted the opportunity in the first place and have resources to do so and 2) they TOOK the opportunity!


Is it really greedy for me to ask for more....is it really ungrateful for you to not aim higher?