I have been following the story of Haley Croppers cancer story on coronation street and i feel it bas been aired beautifully despite the fact i would not carry out a suicidal death with my illness. However i do believe each to their own.
During some of the episodes Haley would talk about the future with her not in it, i found that amusing as i do the same to friends and family and mostly do it in a humorous way. I feel i do this to show them i am not scared and that its ok and important talk about it. I do get mixed reaction just like Haley did.
Haley also decided to plan her funeral, that myself I have also done. She took Roy to the funeral parlour to discuss her wishes and Roy found this extremely difficult which is very much understandable. When i went to the funeral parlour, i went alone as i didnt want to put my loved ones through any necessary stress. And yes i did cry when i began to talk however i pulled myself together and knew what i was doing was ok. I actually got excited over some of the options available. Some people may see that as obscure, but i myself find it completely sensible as why shouldnt you have a choice over your last wishes, why should I leave it to my loved ones to struggle and ponder over. You get to plan everything else in your life or at least you SHOULD its your life so you live it as you wish. I am not saying i think all people should plan their funeral but at least make some decisions especially when you are well, it will be more clearer then. The funeral director did also shed a tear that day and said i was very brave. But i try not to live in fear,i say try as i do not always succeed.
Haley also then began saying her goodbyes, saying things like remember to wear sun cream and hats to her husband. All those important things she would say if still living a long life. I touched on myself doing such things in my previous blog post. She also spoke about how young kids in her life and how she wouldn't get to see them grow up. again this is a thought that crosses my mind often. So when she spoke during these episodes i empathised fully with her. And i was constantly reminded of the pain and hurt that mainly her husband Roy was experiencing.
The thing i learned from this story line was.....No matter how much i prepare my friends and family for a life without me in it , i cannot and will not be able to protect them from pain or grieving.
This is something i am going to have to live with and come to terms with. All i want is for them to not suffer but truthfully i cannot control this. And to see Haley passing away and the pain in Roys eyes really got to me, she done everything in her power but when she was gone he would still feel and endless amount of grief.
A very deep blog but i feel i had to express my empathy with the story line and share my own experience on the matter. What i am saying is all i can do is be there for people now. I do not know what is around the corner,i may live many years yet. However i have thought it all through and i try and do whats best for myself and everyone around me.
Peace out from
The Little One ;)
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